Do you feel like something always seems to get in the way of a successful relationship, the business deal you wanted or feeling real fulfillment, health or success in your life?
Do you notice that you don’t allow yourself to get happy when things are going your way?
Do you feel there is a limit over your life and that you can only reach so much of a goal before something gets in the way?
Well than, I have some good news that may be a little bit hard to swallow. YOU are the only reason you haven’t experienced true fulfillment in your life. Yes, you are the one that has kept you from your dream house, your ideal weight, starting up your own business or having fulfilling relationships. There is no one else to blame.
Why is this good news? If YOU are the one causing these issues,You are the one with the power to change them! So next time, with responsibility, awareness and focus you can make things go your way.
“That’s absurd,” you might be thinking. “Why would I sabotage my own happiness? Surely it has something to do with someone or something else because I wouldn’t do it to myself. That’s insane!”
Yes, it would be completely insane to knowingly sabotage yourself, but that’s just it. Self-sabotage is a shadow pattern. It’s done unconsciously. These destructive behaviors, beliefs and thoughts occur beneath the surface and are seemingly out of our control until brought to light. It’s as if something just takes over, and you can’t help it or understand why these same dramas keep popping up.
We will often justify or give excuses of our behavior to outside reasons because we don’t realize what we’re even doing. This is often the place in our lives that’s filled with regrets and thoughts like “Why did I do, or say that?”. It is a very painful time that can create confusion and stagnancy. Repeating these patterns are damaging to the soul.
Sabotaging patterns develop in our early years or during traumatic events in our lives. They can stem from feelings of low self-esteem and worth, fear, rejection or abandonment. The formation of sabotaging patterns is so unique to the individual and such a complex topic that I won’t address it here, however, know that in my 1:1 Self-Mastery calls I help you to not only identify, but release these damaging patterns setting your soul free to soar to the greatest heights of your potential.
To start you on your way to uncovering these patterns, I’ve listed some of the reasons and belief systems that are associated with self sabotage and ways you can begin to work on releasing these habits. Identification is the first step to your freedom.
- Negative belief of not being good enough/low self-worth
When we have a lack of self worth, we don’t value who we are and what we have to offer. We may feel like we actually don’t have anything to offer anyone and that we feel we are unworthy of success, love, happiness or fulfillment. When we are stuck in this mindset we fall into patterns like “It’s too good to be true” syndrome, or “I can’t have it all” mentality because we can’t see the value in what we have to offer the world.
When we stop trusting in ourselves, we stop trusting in humanity.
There is also this uncompromisable standard in today’s society that we have to get it right. We have to be perfect. Before you start a project you know how it’s supposed to turn out. Before you’ve started training, you know how your body is supposed to work. The idea that we have to get everything perfect often leads us to procrastinate and/ or not do anything at all because we believe that we won’t be able to achieve it.
When you are addicted to a behavior, something, or someone, you are holding onto how this makes you feel for fear of what is on the other side of that behavior. Emotional eating, alcohol, drugs, sex, cigarettes, seeking constant attention are all examples of self-sabotaging behaviors. Addictions are a form of distracting yourself from changing, healing or dealing with painful issues. Sometimes, metaphorically speaking, we would rather “put on the Band-Aid” so we don’t have to see and be reminded of how we got the scar.
Self-sabotaging fear can take so many forms. Fear of judgement from people in your life. Fear of success and your ability to handle it. Fear of rejection from the people you love. All of these fears lead us to be paralyzed in our actions and choices which just perpetuates situations we are unhappy in. You are afraid of what people will think of you if you’re your authentic self so instead you hide. You are afraid that the responsibility that comes with the success you desire will be too much to handle, so you don’t even try. Not trusting ourselves and moving past our fears is a self-sabotaging action that keeps us stagnant in our lives.
People are in denial about their lives when they avoid looking at who they are compared to who they want to be. Instead of being honest and true, they paint pictures or make excuses of why their current lives are just fine.You pretend to be happy when you are not to avoid the consequences you associate with changing. For example, avoiding ending a long-term relationship that is no longer fulfilling you.
Self sabotage can also look like distraction, abandonment of standards, people pleasing, ungrounded spontaneity, not taking risks, etc. New things can make you feel out of control, so you would rather deal with what you know versus something you have no idea how to do. Our mind creates “excuses” and tries to talk us out of anything that is uncomfortable, so it isn’t stressed/stretched to grow. The brain is smart, but also lazy and stubborn, and doesn’t want to do anything it doesn’t have to do. It is happy keeping us in “survival mode”. But as the time old saying goes, “NO PAIN, NO GAIN”!
Now that you recognize more clearly what may have been sabotaging your success you can, with responsibility, awareness and focus make things go your way.